Boris the Spider
when i finally decided to take a shower this morning i noticed the extremely hard rain outside. that usually makes me want to go out to the hot tub so i can look at the sky. it's quite relaxing. so i thought to myself i thought: "self, you should go outside in the hot tub before you take a shower, then you can rinse all that chem-goodness off afterward. sounds good?" "sounds good" i say back.
so rather than exposing my chiseled physique to our two elderly neighbors, i decide to find the drier of my two pair of shorts. the one hanging in the shower looked like a no-go, but i looked up on the top of the shelf in the bathroom and found a dry pair. it had probably been some time since wearing them, so i figured why not...
i'll tell you why not. you just wait.
so i pull those shorts down and start to sort out which leg got mixed up in which and who was inside out, i shook them and put a foot in what looked like the waist... or was it?
so i poked my toes in, toward that netting crap, and had some difficulty, when, i heard something drop and felt something on my other foot.. can you guess from the title what that thing was? so i quicky extracted the one foot and looked down at the other, and ther was a gigantic terrible spider exploring my foot, if this thing was smashed flat, it would be about 3 inches in diameter..
yes. it was very big. and on my foot.
it scurried away from my foot and into Cat's closet. where she may never find it. and i will hopefully never see it again.
undaunted by the event, i put the shorts on (after thorough inspection to see if there were any more really big spiders in my pants).... and subsequently enjoyed the hot tub.
post script: when the time came for Cat to call me at lunch, she revealed to me that she knew exactly the spider i had encountered. she saw it earlier in the morning, and it escaped her wrath. she thought "what are the chances that the spider will still be there, or that brett will go rifling around in the towels (where the spider was last seen)." indeed.. what were the chances? think about it????
so rather than exposing my chiseled physique to our two elderly neighbors, i decide to find the drier of my two pair of shorts. the one hanging in the shower looked like a no-go, but i looked up on the top of the shelf in the bathroom and found a dry pair. it had probably been some time since wearing them, so i figured why not...
i'll tell you why not. you just wait.
so i pull those shorts down and start to sort out which leg got mixed up in which and who was inside out, i shook them and put a foot in what looked like the waist... or was it?
so i poked my toes in, toward that netting crap, and had some difficulty, when, i heard something drop and felt something on my other foot.. can you guess from the title what that thing was? so i quicky extracted the one foot and looked down at the other, and ther was a gigantic terrible spider exploring my foot, if this thing was smashed flat, it would be about 3 inches in diameter..
yes. it was very big. and on my foot.
it scurried away from my foot and into Cat's closet. where she may never find it. and i will hopefully never see it again.
undaunted by the event, i put the shorts on (after thorough inspection to see if there were any more really big spiders in my pants).... and subsequently enjoyed the hot tub.
post script: when the time came for Cat to call me at lunch, she revealed to me that she knew exactly the spider i had encountered. she saw it earlier in the morning, and it escaped her wrath. she thought "what are the chances that the spider will still be there, or that brett will go rifling around in the towels (where the spider was last seen)." indeed.. what were the chances? think about it????
3 Comments:
Bwahahaha...I'm soooo sorry!!! Your story was supro funny though. And just to clarify, it was not only that I thought you wouldn't come across it in the towels, I *really* searched for it! I took down all the towels and even mussed them up trying to shake it out of them, then I searched for it on the bottom shelf and on the floor thinking it may have dropped down there (who know that it, like the stupid people in horror movies, would try to escape by running UP and hiding, and not DOWN and AWAY?) I figured it'd escaped down the heater vent or something. Huh. You're funny and cute, and I'm proud of you for not being more distressed by the situation.
"So it was a scary story, but with a positive ending." ~Stuart Smalley.
It made me laugh and think about how awful it is that spiders have the bitchiest way of making someone (Cat) think they're gone but then not really being gone and showing up again where you least expect them.
And, dude, I would have FREAKED THE HELL OUT if it was in my shorts and landed on my foot. UGH!
So, as Cat said, good for you for not freaking the hell out.
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