The Poopsmith
Now i know the agonizing pains, paralyzing highs, panic-stricken lows and rapturous joys of which only the poopsmith knows (from homestarrunner fame). since now i know not everyone who stumbles upon my brogg is someone i know, they might not know about our kittens. they also might not know that our kittens had a problem when we got them... this problem was one so foul, so feculent indeed that it could only be a sign that these kittens were meant for our family. this problem, which i shall henceforth refer to as tremendously overpowering gas, had us completely stunned. imagine, two tiny creatures, about the size of a boot, weighing in the neighborhood of 8 lb-- give or take a half--could produce something so bombastic and awe-inspiring as to render us both incapable of finishing a sentence. naturally our first assumtion was that it was related to their food. we checked the bag and noticed that we were feeding them adult cat food. this was alleged in the shelter to cause diarrhea, but no mention of foul sour gas. in my mind if you can attribute a symptom to stress it's as good as done, so the next thing we thought was "well, these poor babies have lived in a shelter for 1/3 of their lives.. and now here they are,in a strange place.. wiht new food and two crazy people watching them" ... ok. so despite these assumptions, we wanted to make sure they didn't have anything seriously wrong with them. Cat scheduled an appointment with our favorite vet, and we were gonna just watch and see..
.. oh, yeah.. and they said we needed to bring in a "sample" .....
so.. the day comes for the appointment.. i am not sure what to do about the sample, but we only leave ourselves 10 minutes to get up and round up everything we need to get to the vet. i grab a small ziplock back (at the advice of my mom) and fold it inside out and pull out a gigantic litter-covered chunk of what used to be pancake-batter type kitten poo. i was now poopsmithing. i have reached one of my newest life-goals.. because ever since i saw homestarrunner.com and saw the poopsmith he's been my favorite character. he embodies everything i think is good and wholesome.. 'eww' you say.. as you read this and suddenly i am a more disgusting person to you. but no, really,. the deal is this: he works very hard maneuvering the waste of the king of town. who for some reason produces a severe amount of waste for a small cotton-ball resembling man.. anyway he never complains.. he just wears big gloves and has flies around him all the time. it's symbolic.. really, it is.. of what i dare not speculate. so i'll move on.
we took the sample to the vet, and after physical inspection of the kittens and chemical and biological analysis of the specimen, it was determined the kittens were more or less fine, but required a supplement to their intestinal flora, and to get a little more used-to our house.. the gas has subsided, it's at a manageable level tonight.. but that does not mean that we would hold it against them if it remained.. i mean, we'd be quite the hypocrites if we did.. being proud gas-bags ourselves.. or was that wind-bags?.. no .. probably not.
.. oh, yeah.. and they said we needed to bring in a "sample" .....
so.. the day comes for the appointment.. i am not sure what to do about the sample, but we only leave ourselves 10 minutes to get up and round up everything we need to get to the vet. i grab a small ziplock back (at the advice of my mom) and fold it inside out and pull out a gigantic litter-covered chunk of what used to be pancake-batter type kitten poo. i was now poopsmithing. i have reached one of my newest life-goals.. because ever since i saw homestarrunner.com and saw the poopsmith he's been my favorite character. he embodies everything i think is good and wholesome.. 'eww' you say.. as you read this and suddenly i am a more disgusting person to you. but no, really,. the deal is this: he works very hard maneuvering the waste of the king of town. who for some reason produces a severe amount of waste for a small cotton-ball resembling man.. anyway he never complains.. he just wears big gloves and has flies around him all the time. it's symbolic.. really, it is.. of what i dare not speculate. so i'll move on.
we took the sample to the vet, and after physical inspection of the kittens and chemical and biological analysis of the specimen, it was determined the kittens were more or less fine, but required a supplement to their intestinal flora, and to get a little more used-to our house.. the gas has subsided, it's at a manageable level tonight.. but that does not mean that we would hold it against them if it remained.. i mean, we'd be quite the hypocrites if we did.. being proud gas-bags ourselves.. or was that wind-bags?.. no .. probably not.
1 Comments:
brett. this is alison. why do i have to register to post a stupid comment on your brogg? why is it that i have to do it anonymous. this is stupid.
anyway. corey was farting really stanky toots today. like REALLY bad. and they were following him whevever he went. GROSS! whenever he farts and i say something like "what are you eating?" he says "you're the one who feeds me lady!" so i really don't know why the smell the same.
have you ever noticed that people have different fart smells? i think it's interesting. not just a different smell because of something they ate, but all around different. like some people fart "garbage smell" which is my least favorite. (it's the kind that smells like rotting vegetables or something) there are some peopels fart smells that i am not offended by. like mine and corey. the only other farts i've recently smelled are eva's and she's the one who smells like garbage. don't tell her i told you though, or she's gonna get mad at me.
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